- Went to Montreal, saw Ministry and Meshuggah, moshed my fucking brains out, visited Rachel. Got introduced to comedian Billy Connelly who has become one of my new favourites. AWESOME TRIP.
- Went straight to Toronto from MTL, had superbadass night with Brent, Becky, Lance and Lia, got drunk on rum for the first time ever. Helped solve some unnecessary drama between 3 good people. AWESOME TRIP.
- Came back and immediately began the Art Of Living course called Yes+. Basically, since Tuesday I have been disallowed from consuming the following:
- drugs
- alcohol
- caffeine
- meat of any kind
The course is very beneficial, for the most part. I was (and still am in some ways) extremely skeptical of the organization overall, but it certainly has a lot of awesome shit to teach.
- Crazy awesome party out in the sticks of Stittsville last night. SUCH a good time. Saw a lot of old friends and schoolmates. Got to watch 4 girls wrestle in cherry jello.
- I've been feeling so full of vitality lately. Health is so fucking important. Now all I need is a girl and I'll be all set!

Which one do I persue? I've been finding so much beauty in girls lately. And I never know if they dont persue me because they're uninteresed or just unsure of how I'd react. I need a good fuck, thats what I need. (and at some point, Love would be kinda nice)

"Be careful the environment you choose for it will shape you; be careful the friends you choose for you will become like them."
- William Clement Stone

The reason I, and often others, reach points in their lives where they prefer to spend their time in the company of new people and/or new places is because these unfamilliarities promote change and reinforce progress. New people will treat you only as they see you in the moment, without using your past as a reference or bias on the way you are percieved now. New places will call for you to experience your surroundings with more awareness and less habit. Its no wonder so many people love to travel and move to new areas... its often the only way to truly grow and learn about yourself.

Fill this out about your SENIOR year of high school! The longer ago it was, the more fun the answers will be!!


1. Who was your best friend?
Of the guys, it was Nick R. Of the girls, it was his ex and arch-nemesis Lindsay.

2. What kind of car did you drive?
The bus.

3. It's Friday nite...where R U?
Roaming downtown aimlessly looking for life's answers while wearing the scariest shit I can find from my room.

4. Were you a party animal?
I didn't really party until after high school. Unless you consider drinking a micky with a friend within 5 minutes as partying.

5. Were you considered a flirt?
I guess I was to some people.

7. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir..
The school band, and for a while a punk band called "Ariola" or something.

8. Were you a nerd?
Yeah, but not as badly as in grades 8 and 9.

9. Did you get suspended/expelled?
Never. I was very sneaky. :)

10. Can you sing the fight song?
The Marilyn Manson one? I couldnt at the time

11. Who was your favorite teacher?
Probably my english teacher who would bring in a box of donuts and fill one at random with an extremely spicy liquid, then tell us to eat them at our own risk.

12. Where did you sit during lunch?
In the caff, involved in a heated Risk game

13.What was your school's full name?
St. Paul Catholic High School.

14. School mascot?
A Golden Bear. Totally lame.

15. Did you go to Prom?
Nope, I was the school freak who didnt like his peers. :P

16. If you could go back and do it again, would you?
I dont think so...

17. What do you remember most about graduation?
How peculiar those hats were to wear.

18. Where did you go senior skip day..
There was a senior skip day?

20.Were you in any clubs?
I was in the debate club for like a day

21. Where did you go most often for lunch.. ?
After the caff, I'd sit in the atrium on the steps with the girls

22. Have you gained some weight since then?
Yeah, but thats not saying much :P

25. Who was your Senior prom date..
I sold my ticket.

26. Are you planning on going to your 10 year reunion?
Maybe

27. Who was your home room teacher..
It was the big tall burly religion teacher guy, I forgot his name

28.Who will repost this?
ummmmmmmm THE OWL

29. Who was your high school sweetheart?
The only girl I dated from there was Amanda, which ended up being a disaster of a relationship.

30. Do you still talk to people from high school?
Ironically, I started talking to many of them only after graduation. Besides that, I still talk to 1 or 2 old friends.

This was me at the time:

Pending Minnesota bill will strip citizens of genetic privacy and DNA ownership rights

http://infowars.net/articles/april2008/040408DNA.htm

"Thus far, the state of Minnesota has illegally collected and claims ownership to the DNA of 780,000 children (soon to be voting adults) and has provided the DNA of 42,210 children to genetic researchers without parent consent."

I'm undergoing a period of illustrious growth and change. It's an adaptive movement to accomodate my changing lifestyle, where I'm inevitably turning my body into a tool for accomplishing my goals. During difficult times like this, my will must become my strongest motivational force.

My room is coming along nicely... I can hardly wait to experience it when it's finished. It'll no doubt be the coolest room I've ever had, and maybe ever will have.


The choice of deciding on freedom and happiness versus material wealth and a lifetime of total security is not as simple as fictional stories would have you believe. If material wealth compromises my progression as a human being, of course I wouldn't choose that path. But what if it were a temporary loss for a grander opportunity? This is something I'll have to seriously decipher and consider.

This coming tuesday the 1st of April (fossil fools day) there will be a critical mass at 5pm (starting outside of the Museum of Nature) and a reclaim the streets party at approx. 7pm in the market (around the beavertail area)
The whole point of the street party/rally is to find a general interest in starting a bus riders union in ottawa but also to reclaim our space that has been stolen by stinky, poisonous, greedy vehicles.
Come out and share your performance art! Hula hoop, poi, hand drum, dance, eat free yummy vegan food, play your guitars, violins, trumpets, kazoos, yo-yo's, and celebrate our ability to make a difference.

I'm probably gonna bring a hackysack, because I miss the hack. And hackysack always makes it feel like summer :)

The body is the tool of the self. Tools must be extensions of our will. Therefore the body must become what we will it to be, and nothing less.

Gary Gygax, the father of Dungeons and Dragons and hence the father of fantasy/imagination-based role-playing gaming passed onto the next dimention on the morning of March 4th. I should have posted this days ago. Fortunately, the event has brought back many good memories from D&D fans around the world and sparked some good discussion online. Many tributes have been passed his way.
I'm gonna organize some D&D campaign with my old friends. Its been a while, and really, it was the first thing to really create a bond between us.

x====================================x

I've decided to stay away from alcohol for a while. I seem to be in a much more comfortable space when my ego is reinforced by physical activity, not alcohol consumption. But it seems to bring out some positive sides in others to have their inhibitions diminished, so Im not necessarily trying to entice others to stop drinking.
But it does save a lot of money to avoid drinking at the pub once or twice a week...

x====================================x

I dreamt I had long hair again, dreadlocked dark purple hair, and wore makeup with plum-coloured lipstick. It looked really good in the dream, with the orange striped shirt and boots, but Im not so sure it would look as good outside the dream.

I should have posted this days ago:

Nine Inch Nails presents Ghosts I - IV, a brand new 36 track instrumental collection available right now. Almost two hours of new music composed and recorded over an intense ten week period last fall, Ghosts I - IV sprawls Nine Inch Nails across a variety of new terrain.

Trent Reznor explains, "I've been considering and wanting to make this kind of record for years, but by its very nature it wouldn't have made sense until this point. This collection of music is the result of working from a very visual perspective - dressing imagined locations and scenarios with sound and texture; a soundtrack for daydreams. I'm very pleased with the result and the ability to present it directly to you without interference. I hope you enjoy the first four volumes of Ghosts."

http://ghosts.nin.com/


I ordered mine a few days ago, but its available as a free download as well.
Im really eager to hear this...

So I entered the Re-Vamp iBattle last night on a whim, and it was really elating. It wasnt as good as, for example, spinning a set of my own material, or playing a song live, but it was the next closest thing, and it was awesome. Unfortunately, it was the deadest night its ever been at Re-Vamp, so the voting process wasnt exactly the best it could've been, but I dont mind that I didn't win, because the number of positive comments and compliments on my song choices were enough to fulfill me. Plus, the winner Andrew was such an awesome guy that he used his winning money buying the rest of us participants (all 3 of us -- the rest didnt show) drinks.

_______________________

On another topic...
This will possibly be the busiest month of my life.

Stolen from ymA

LAYER ONE: ON THE OUTSIDE
Name: I forgot...
Birth date: N/A
Birth place: This city
Eye Colour: poop
Hair Colour: Black
Best physical feature: I guess the common answer would be my eyes
Righty or Lefty: I was born left but now use right (I'm a traitor... but an artist at heart)
Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius, year of the Rat

LAYER TWO: ON THE INSIDE
Your heritage: Canadian = Palestinian + Scottish
What Shoes: size 7 boots, size 8 shoes
Worst Habit: Thinking in the place of feeling.
Your fears: The paranormal, the agenda of the elite... but they are more concerns than they are fears.
Your perfect pizza: Lots of good cheese, hot spices, anchovies, mushrooms, good sauce...

LAYER THREE: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW
Your most overused phrase: "Definitely." How many things are actually definite?
Your bedtime: lately, 11:30pm, or 4:30am, depending on the day
Your most missed moment: Perceiving everything with open eyes and an open heart. The innocence of childhood.

LAYER FOUR: YOUR PICK
Pepsi or Coke: Coke. At least they dont use popstars in their ads.
McDonald's or Burger King: THROWUP (I like Amy's answer)
Single or group dates: Usually groups are fun, as long as we get alone time later on
Lipton Tea or Nestea: Neither. Chinese tea
Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate
Cappuccino or coffee: the less caffeine the better

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?
Cuss: when it helps me articulate
Play any sports: well, fitness and occasional wrestling
Like high school: The institution of conformity? Not really
Believe in yourself: sometimes, not often enough
Get motion sickness: in any unusual vehicles, usually
Think you're a health freak: I try
Get along with your parents: most times
Like thunderstorms: yeah, as long as Im dressed appropriately
Have a gf: yes

LAYER SIX: IN THE PAST MONTH
Gone to the mall: yeah
Been on stage: no
Eaten Sushi: well, sushimi
Been dumped: no
Gone skating: no
Gone skinny dipping: no
Dyed your hair: no

LAYER SEVEN: HAVE YOU EVER
Played a game that required removal of clothing: If you havent played strip poker, your missing out (lol Amy, strip Mario Party)
Gotten beaten up: of course
Been in Love: yes

LAYER EIGHT: GETTING OLDER
Age you hope to be married: When I've decided to dedicate myself, probably in my 30s or early 40s
Number of Children: No more than 2, I think
Future Occupation: Proffessor/Researcher of Developmental Psychology, *ROXTAR* on the side, unless the music takes off. I'd love to dedicate myself to music.

LAYER NINE: IN A GUY/GIRL
Best Quality? I guess I'll know when I see it on the individual
Best eye colour? Whatever looks good on them
Best hair colour? I like bright colours, unusual colours, black, but I've also found myself attracted to blondes and many red-heads.
Short or long hair: usually long, but it depends on the girl
Height: I like it when they're around my height

LAYER TEN: IN THE NUMBERS
Number of people I can trust: it depends on with what... I trust different people with different things. I'd like to trust someone with everything, though.
Number of piercings: 0 (but yo, I've been thinking...)
Number of tattoos: none
Number of times been on T.V: around 5
Number of times my name has appeared in the Newspaper: about the same
Number of scars on my body: not too many... I was lucky about the poison ivy
Number of things in my past that I regret: The only things I regret doing involve holding myself back. I really enjoy seeing those "DONT HOLD BACK" banners that somoene decided to post around Ottawa. Its true, nobody should hold back from what they sincerely feel.

I've had the privilege of experiencing the Sweatlodge yesterday. It was so much more than I thought it would be, and it's something I'll have to persue more throughout my life. The experience of such deep holistic healing, freedom and exploration of the self was something I don't think I've found anywhere else.

If you ever have the opportunity to experience a sweatlodge, I really think you should take it. Its unlike anything else.

Probably the main reason I'm entering my chosen field of work is because there are very few people within society who can legally defend a child from the potentially twisted minds of their parents or adult "guardians". They're forced to conform in the ways the adult wants them to, no matter if it is in a healthy or an unhealthy way, and they have no voice of their own with which to defend themselves. And unfortunately, now, there are a bombardment of sociological factors which attempt to influence the parent's natural methods of child-raising, each claiming that they know best.
Psychological warfare is everywhere, and children are getting the worst end of the stick.

==x==x==x==x==x==x==x==x==x==x==x==x==x==x==x==x==x==x==x==x==x

Part of the reason this came to mind was because Kim has been forced to deal with her parents' wishes which have been getting increasingly more unfair and unreasonable. Clearly, they are unhappy with their own lives, unhappy with the way they've been raised, stressed out due to issues they can't handle, and they are funnelling all that negativity down to her. She's 19, but since she's living with them, there's very little she can do besides conform to what they say and argue with them once in a while. I also happen to be dealing with their stresses, since they have labelled me "the boyfriend who probably just wants sex" simply because her last boyfriend fit that category. Rather than being seen as myself, I'm being seen as a figure, forced to clean up the mess of the last guy.
Until she can financially cover the cost of moving out, she will have her life dragged down by two unreasonable adults.

==x==x==x==x==x==x==x==x==x==x==x==x==x==x==x==x==x==x==x==x==x

I got food poisoning last night... *groan*
It felt much better once it left my stomach. But I hope I'm in tip-top shape for this weekend.

Life is brighter when you're in love.

Not only is this the song that made With Teeth a good album (along with the 2 previous songs which progress into this), but this is one of the best songs Nine Inch Nails has ever done. And its gone unheard by so many, simply because its the last track on an album that was trendy to hate.

Live in 2004, it was 100 times better....

NIN - Right Where It Belongs

See the animal in his cage that you built?
are you sure what side you're on?
better not look him too closely in the eye...
are you sure what side of the glass you're on?

see the safety of the life you have built?
everything where it belongs...
feel the hollowness inside of your heart
and it's all
right where it belongs.

what if everything around you isn't quite what it seems?
what if all the world you think you know is an elaborate dream?
and if you look at your reflection, is it all you want to be?
what if you could look right through the cracks?
would you find yourself... find yourself afraid to see?

what if all the world's inside of your head?
just creations of your own...
your devils and your gods and the living and the dead
and you really are alone
you can live in this illusion
you can choose to believe
you keep looking but you can't find words
are you hiding in the trees?

what if everything around you isn't quite what as seems?

what if all the world you used to know is an elaborate dream?
and if you look at your reflection, is it all you want to be?
what if you could look right through the cracks?
would you find yourself... find yourself afraid to see?

I can't believe it...

Ministry is performing their last and final tour...
with MESHUGGAH...
... and I'm seeing them live...
.. in Montreal!!

So, the first time I saw Ministry perform, it was the craziest show I'd ever attended. I was in pain for at least a few days afterwards... and it was in Ottawa, of all places. Meshuggah has quickly become my all-time favourite metal band, with no close second. I cant begin to describe how fucking insane this concert will be.

!!!


I wish I had a chance to see Lance and Becky while they were down here. I was really hoping to hang out with those guys. But at least I got to see Sarala and Kayli. It was definitely the best Christmas Eve I've ever had. I think I was so excited to see them all that I didn't even know what to say or ask... my mind was in too many other places that night. I guess I can make it up to them next time, but damn, I hate waiting 'till next time. If I were more spiritually focused lately I'd have more control over the moments in my life. But at least I've been taking care of the other important things in my life... and doing a really good job, apperantly.

Not to jynx it, but things have been going really well. Even if I wasn't as uppity-social as I could've been at my birthday gathering, or as productive lately as I could've been, I still feel great. My girlfriend sincerely likes me for who I am, and has been writing me love poems and even knitted me a scarf. My friends have been glowing and really reminding me of why I appreciate them so much. Even my family has been a lot more positive and co-operative lately. I'm not gonna jump the bangwagon and credit an illusionary holiday for everyone being so fantastic. Instead, I'll actually credit the people around me for shining their colours, and spread the love whenever I have the opportunity to do so.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I've returned to my morning physical routine. My mom even bought me an insanely huge bucket of mass-gaining formula from a nice guy at the GNC (no, I dont wanna get huge, I just wanna be above 130). It was funny when we bought it... the guy hands me the bucket and I comment "wow, I can get in shape just carrying this bucket around." I pause for a moment, reflecting on what I said, and add "but you probably hear that all the time." He keeps doing what he's doing without a reply. A few minutes later, when I lift the bucket and place it on the counter for purchase, the woman next to me says "heh, you can get a good workout just by lifting that bucket around!" to which I reply "yeah, I bet this guy hears that a hundred times a day, working here." I look over, and sure enough, he kinda gives a little smile and doesn't say a word. He does a good job dealing with the frustration of hearing trite old jokes being recycled all the time. He was a good guy though. He gave us free fish oil pills for spending so much there. :)

2007 is 2012 - Gregorian/Mayan miscount and the Galactic Alignment of Dec 23 2007

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=105928776&blogID=320814213

Why "2012 is 2007" according to translation... feedback please
http://goliath.ecnext.com/coms2/gi_0199-6097962/Refusing-translation-the-Gregorian-calendar.html

I neeeeed feeeeedbaaack! I dont know what to make of this stuff, or what sort of effect the event will have, if the blog is accurate. I know that each planet effects certain aspects of the spiritual world, but unfortunately my knowledge is pretty limited beyond that... Ive got a forum going on the matter but I havent got any good responses there yet

For those who have not endured great suffering, it must be difficult to truly empathize with others. The problem is lack of unfiltered humility. It seems as though very few people, if given the choice, would choose to listen rather than to speak. But how can one learn if all they can hear is themselves?

Wisdom comes with observation. It comes with the practice of removing subjective thought from equations, and starting anew from point 0, using every perspective possible. It comes with the humility of recognizing one's own faults and areas of needed improvement. Going from a 1, to a 0, and back again.